Statue of Jesus washes up in Texas

And, of course, hundreds of Mexican Catholics are making pilgrammages to visit the statue.

Because if God was going to choose a sign to signal the second coming of Christ, he’d probably chooose a floating plastic Jesus.

Either that, or maybe an image of Virgin Mary burned into a piece of toast.

Bush Gives Interview with Fox News’ O’Reilly

Is it me, or is this the journalistic equivalent of tee-ball?

O’Reilly sets up up … Bush knocks ‘em out of the park.

Or at least hits a scratch grounder up the middle.

Forbes 400: Record 313 US billionaires

And all thanks to President Bush’s “No Billionaire Left Behind” Act. That man is a force of pure good.

Also, don’t miss the next issue … Forbes: Record 279,756,803 US Non-Billionaires.

Study finds dogs can smell cancer

Interesting side note: The first cancer they sniffed out? The Patriot Act.

Rumsfeld Suggests Limited Iraq Election

Okay, here’s the plan: We limit the voting only to Iraqis who like us, and are comfortable operating under a pro-American puppet government set up behind the guise of democracy.

Also, they have to sign a document acknowledging the simple fact that Jesus is the one and only Lord and Savior.

See how much easier that would be?

Then, if that works out, we try it here.