Durst: Sex Tape Unrelated to Paris Hacking

In the grand tradition of Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson, the Limp Bizkit frontman’s romp with an anonymous woman has been on the Web since late Tuesday for anyone’s viewing pleasure…or displeasure, as several disappointed female fans have been dishing on message boards.

Few people know this, but one of Nostradamus’ most dire predictions of the coming apocalypse included the cryptic phrase, “Fred Durst sex tape.”

After reading this article, I did a Google search for “Fred Durst sex tape.” I found it, and I watched it.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it made me throw up all over my keyboard.

Bin Laden Asks Zarqawi to Make U.S. a Target -Source

Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden has fairly recently asked his chief ally in Iraq, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, to consider the territory of United States as a target for terrorist attacks, a U.S. counterterrorism official said on Monday.

Wow. That’s big news. A terrorist attack? On U.S. soil? Who could’ve imagined such a thing? And who’s this “bin Laden” fella they’re talking about?

Will someone kindly inform Chicken Little that the sky has already fallen?

Suicide Bomb Kills at Least 115 in Iraq

A suicide car bomber blasted a crowd of police and national guard recruits Monday as they gathered for physicals outside a medical clinic south of Baghdad, killing at least 115 people and wounding 132 — the single deadliest attack in the two-year insurgency.

On the bright side, at least they didn’t have to wait all day in line to get a physical. Instant diagnosis: Dead.

As a true American patriot who loves freedom and liberty, I couldn’t help but be moved by the sight of Iraqis cleaning up a big pool of democracy after the bombing. I heard freedom and liberty were splashed on the walls of buildings up to 200 yards away.

Rice Backs Resuming Indonesia Military Training

The State Department has recommended that U.S. military training resume in Indonesia after a break of more than a decade, as Washington seeks closer military ties with the world’s largest Muslim nation.

I think that’s a great idea. We’ll train an Army of Muslim holy warriors to fight on our side against the Big Evil. It worked out so well the last time, in 1980’s Afghanistan …

On second thought, maybe we should just blow up an American city now to save ourselves the trouble of training them to do it ten years from now, when we’re embroiled in a full-blown Global Jihad.

U2’s Bono Should Head World Bank, Paper Urges

Could the only person ever nominated for an Oscar, a Grammy, a Golden Globe and the Nobel Peace Prize now take over at the World Bank?

On Friday, the Los Angeles Times devoted its lead editorial to the proposition that Bono, the Irish frontman of rock band U2, “should be named the next president of the World Bank.”

That would be soooo cool. I was wondering when they would propose someone completely unqualified for the job.

Now if only someone would suggest Lindsay Lohan to take over as Secretary General of the United Nations …

A boy can dream.