NASA defends possible shuttle safety rule waiver

NASA is prepared to waive a flight safety rule so it can launch space shuttle Discovery on the first mission since the 2003 Columbia accident if a fuel sensor glitch reoccurs, managers at the U.S. space agency said on Monday.

Yeah, boys! That’s it! That’s the spirit! Fuck the rules! Who needs fuel anyway, right? It’s the Space Shuttle, fueled by a potent mixture of liquid hydrogen and American stupidity. Gauges say the hydrogen is low, but wouldn’t you know it — stupidity is high!

All systems are go!

The malfunction involving one of four hydrogen fuel sensors forced NASA to postpone Discovery’s first launch attempt on July 13. For its second liftoff attempt on Tuesday, NASA is considering changing a rule that all four sensors must be working.

At least NASA stands by its motto: Slow and steady wins the race, but sloppy and reckless gets us to space.

NASA spokesman Bruce Buckingham said technicians spotted a “small ding” on one of the tiles that protects the spaceship from superheated atmospheric gases on re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere, and it was “swapped out.”

God damn it! I go into Wal-Mart for 10 minutes to get some Twizzlers and a six-pack of Schlitz, and next thing I know, my Shuttle’s got a ding in it. Runaway shopping cart put a dent on the driver’s side door, right next to the solid fuel booster rocket.

Damn near ruined my nightly NASCAR masturbation fantasy.

Karl Rove’s Nondisclosure Agreement

A fact sheet released today by Rep. Waxman explains that the nondisclosure agreement signed by Karl Rove prohibited Mr. Rove from confirming the identity of covert CIA agent Valerie Wilson to reporters. Under the nondisclosure agreement and the applicable executive order, even “negligent” disclosures to reporters are grounds for revocation of a security clearance or dismissal.

Now, now. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There’s a serious investigation going on here, and I for one think we should reserve judgment until we can be absolutely sure that a crime has been committed before we even think of finding a low-level administrative assistant Karl Rove can frame as the “bad apple” who caused leak.

One of the most basic rules of safeguarding classified information is that an official who has signed a nondisclosure agreement cannot confirm classified information obtained by a reporter. In fact, this obligation is highlighted in the “briefing booklet” that new security clearance recipients receive when they sign their nondisclosure agreements:

“Before confirming the accuracy of what appears in the public source, the signer of the SF 312 must confirm through an authorized official that the information has, in fact, been declassified. If it has not, confirmation of its accuracy is also an unauthorized disclosure.”

Fine, but then again, how do you define “confirming?” According to the dictionary, “confirm” can mean “to administer the religious rite of confirmation to.”

Now, did Karl Rove perform any religious rites on Robert Novak? I highly doubt it.

Under the executive order, the White House has an affirmative obligation to investigate and take remedial action separate and apart from any ongoing criminal investigation. The executive order specifically provides that when a breach occurs, each agency must “take appropriate and prompt corrective action.”

Now here is a point I think everyone can agree on. The White House should take prompt corrective action, in the same way they did with George Tenet after the massive intelligence failures on 9/11 and in Iraq.

That’s why, later today, Bush will be promoting Rove to Chief Of Staff, giving him a medal for meritorious service, and adding him as the fifth head on Mount Rushmore.

White House Touts Falling Budget Deficit

Surging revenues and a steady economy have led the White House to project that this year’s federal budget deficit will drop to $333 billion, nearly $100 billion below earlier estimates. … Bush said the improving deficit picture vindicated his stewardship of the economy and budget.

Congratulations, Mr. Bush! Through your strong leadership the bleakness of our economic situation has gone from unfathomable to merely abysmal. Huzzah, to you, sir.

Oh, and kudos on the visual aid. Give my regards to the second grader who made it.

“The debt is going up like a scalded cat,” said Sen. Kent Conrad of North Dakota, ranking Democrat on the Senate Budget Committee.

“No, sir. The debt is going down. Like your mother.”
— Karl Rove

Democrats – even before the new numbers were released – urged caution and warned that the long-term deficit picture is not as rosy as the White House projects since it leaves out the long-term costs of occupying Iraq and Afghanistan and relies on cuts in programs annually appropriated by Congress that may prove unrealistic.

Someone needs to remind the Democrats that — hello! — the cost of the Iraq war will be paid for with Iraqi oil revenues.

Plus, thanks to an innovative new program, Iraqis are being trained in fundraising by some of the most saavy marketers America has to offer: The Girl Scouts.

Right now, a battlion of Girl Scouts is being deployed to Iraq, along with several hundred tons of Thin Mints and Caramel Delites. There, they’ll train the Iraqis in the fine art of sitting outside Wal-Mart, guilting people into buying stale, overpriced cookies.

So, if you happen to be in Iraq, and you find yourself approached by a hairy Iraqi man in green kneesocks, be a sport and buy a box of Classic Shortbreads, will you?

White House Still Silent on Rove Evidence

The White House is suddenly facing damaging evidence that it misled the public by insisting for two years that presidential adviser Karl Rove wasn’t involved in leaking the identity of a female CIA officer.

The White House misled the public? Inconceivable!

I’m crushed. For the last four and half years, the White House has been a bastion of truth and honesty, standing high above the empty political rhetoric of Washington to champion a higher ideal of undiluted candor. Their sudden decline into deceit is like a splash of cold water in the face.

President Bush, at an Oval Office photo opportunity Tuesday, was asked directly whether he would fire Rove – in keeping with a pledge in June, 2004, to dismiss any leakers in the case. The president did not respond.

The President doesn’t respond to public pressure. The President doesn’t listen to polls. He listens to his heart. He’s a man of steadfast determination who does what he says he is going to do, a man who makes good on his word.

Unless that word is “fire.”

The revelation about Rove prompted Democratic calls for President Bush to follow through on his promise to fire leakers of Plame’s identity, and triggered 61 questions during two press briefings Monday by McClellan.

That’s what I hate about the liberal press: the single-minded focus on asking “questions.” What ever happened to the good ol’ days of Jeff Gannon lobbing softballs copped from White House talking points?

Instead, they take something as small as a major violation of federal law by a White House official and treat it like its some kind of scandal or something. Why can’t they focus on the positive things the President does, like … uh … gimme a second here …

Rove’s own public denials at the time and since have been more narrowly worded: “I didn’t know her name and didn’t leak her name,” Rove said last year.

Oh, this is going to be fun. First we got to watch Cheney and Rumsfeld stumble around like cheap Chinese knockoffs of Bill Clinton, inelegantly referring to the dictionary definition of “throes” to explain Cheney’s assertion that the Iraq insurgency is in its “last throes.”

Now we’re gonna get to see Bush and Rove bob and weave around the “I didn’t leak her name” statement.

Karl Rove: Political Mastermind will be spun into Karl Rove: Innocent Naif, a fresh-faced young sprite, naively traversing the choppy political waters of Washington on a raft of good intentions.

Technically, Rove didn’t leak her name. He just casually mentioned, as we often do in the course of a normal conversation, that Wilson’s wife was a CIA operative.

How was a man so pure of spirit to know that a mere journalist be able to make the huge intellectual leap it took to figure out that if Wilson’s wife is a CIA agent, and Wilson’s wife is Valerie Plame, then Valerie Plame is a CIA agent?

I’m sure that a similar defense would work for the Secret Service when someone says, though they would never wish harm upon the President (that would be illegal), they wouldn’t mind seeing Laura Bush’s husband go down in a hail of gunfire.

Skateboarder clears Great Wall of China

Skateboarder Danny Way rolled down a massive ramp at nearly 50 mph and jumped across the Great Wall of China on Saturday, becoming the first person to clear the wall without motorized aid.

Way successfully completed the jump across the 61-foot gap four times, adding 360 degree spins on his last three tries.

*YAWN*

Wake me up when he does something interesting.