Bush to mother who lost son in Iraq: ‘I grieve’
“I grieve for every death,” Bush said as Cindy Sheehan remained camped out about five miles away.
It’s true. Bush has his grieving scheduled for every morning, right between clearing brush on the ranch, and mountain biking with Saudi Arabian oil magnates.
Sometimes he even schedules extra grieving time, like when there’s a press conference, or an election, or another impeachable offense by a member of his administration.
“What? Karl Rove got caught using a rolled up copy of the Constitution to sodomize a teenage inmate at Guantanamo? Quick! Someone get me an American flag, a wounded soldier, and a photographer!”
“It breaks my heart to think about a family weeping over the loss of a loved one. I understand the anguish that some feel about the death that takes place,” Bush said.
That being said … GET OFF MY LAND, YOU WHINY BITCH!
You call yourself an American? Ha! A real American wouldn’t try to question her leaders! No! A real American would take off her high heels, strap on some combat boots, and go do what Americans do best: Kill someone. Anyone. Doesn’t matter who, as long as they’re brown and talk funny.
Mexicans? Sure, what the hell. They count. A real American would stop bitching by the side of the road and go down to the border and kill some wetbacks.
Why? Because someone has to pay. Someone not white, not rich, and not the President.
“Our sons made the ultimate sacrifice and we want answers. All we’re asking is that he sacrifice an hour out of his five-week vacation to talk to us, before the next mother loses her son in Iraq. He says he is spreading peace. How can you spread peace by killing people?” she said in a statement issued through Fenton Communications, a public relations firm.
Hey. Being the President is hard. It’s hard work. You don’t know, because you’ve never presidented before. But trust me: Presidenting is hard, and whoever has to do it deserves a vacation once in a while.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask to take a few weeks a year to take care of some personal business. Plus weekends. And holidays. And Tuesdays, plus every other Thursday.
Of course, Mondays are out, because that’s Bingo night. Wednesdays I try to catch up on all the stuff I Tivo’ed from Friday, which is obviously Beer & Wings night at the Proud Cowboy Saloon.
That leaves me with, what … Thursdays? Every other Thursday. That’s the day I do most of my Presidenting. After I get a haircut, and go for a run, and take my nap, and drink my juice, and listen to mom read me a story.
The point is, being President is hard work, and I just don’t have time meeting with people who don’t nod and smile at everything I say. Sorry.
“Listen, I sympathize with Mrs. Sheehan,” Bush said. “She feels strongly about her position. And she has every right in the world to say what she believes. This is America.”
No. This was America. Now it’s Dumbfuckistan.
“Oh, I know it’s hard for some Americans to see that progress, but we are making progress. ..” he said.
It’s also hard for some Americans to see unicorns. But does that mean there are no unicorns? Of course not!
Try this: Close your eyes, and touch your nose, and whisper three times, “I believe in unicorns, and the possibility of a free and stable Iraq that is friendly to American interests.” I think you’ll be amazed at what happens.
“Withdrawing before the mission is complete would send a signal to those who wonder about the United States’ commitment to spreading freedom,” he said.
I don’t see that as a problem. We can always reinforce that commitment by, say, exaggerating a non-existent threat from an oil rich Muslim country as a justification for a pre-emptive invasion.
Just an idea.
[SIDE NOTE: For those of you who have been following Cindy Sheehan's vigil outside President Bush's Crawford ranch, you may recognize her from the Bush Won. Get Over It video from this site.
Cindy is the crying woman at the end of the video who says, "I knew losing a child would hurt, but I never knew it would hurt like this." Her daughter is also featured in the video. She tells the story of how her brother Casey let her play with his G.I. Joes.]
