The Supreme Court is the nation’s highest court of law, and the final arbiter on questions of Constitutional law.
As a Supreme Court Justice, you will be responsible for implementing a strict constructionist Constitutional philosophy, except as where overridden by the Bible, the bylaws of the Christian Coalition, or a sermon by that freakishly big-haired woman from the Trinity Broadcasting Network.
QUALIFICATIONS:
Must have proven conservative credentials. Acceptable credentials include:
- Contributions to Republican party or conservative groups
- NRA membership card and/or concealed weapons permit
- Voted Most Likely To Firebomb An Abortion Clinic in high school yearbook
- “I Brake For Jesus” bumper sticker
- Have impure thoughts involving Ann Coulter and her penis
- Have used the words “left-wing conspiracy” and “Jew-run media” in a sentence at least twice in the last week.
- Can name top ten associations between Saddam Hussein and 9/11 from memory
- Outed Valerie Plame
- Proven experience in fear-mongering, hate-mongering, and other -mongering as approved by the Christian Coalition
- Masturbate regularly to The O’Reilly Factor
Women and minorities with no qualms about decimating the civil rights of your respective minority are encouraged to apply. No fags please.
Benefits include medical, dental, and the opportunity to impose your narrowminded religious worldview in ways that will limit the freedom of Americans for generations to come.
To apply, please submit a resume, cover letter, and three letters of recommendation from CEOs of major multinational companies in the military-industrial complex.
No legal experience or soul required.
