Stewart Planned to Bump Trump From Show

After serving five months in jail for lying about a 2001 stock sale, which was followed by nearly six months of house arrest, the lifestyle guru says she feels resilient.

“I have learned that I really cannot be destroyed.”

Armed with this new knowledge, Martha plans to go ahead with her latest round of business ventures, including the release of a revolutionary new line of bath towels, the possible acquisition of Kmart, and the assembly of an army of mindless automatons bent on world domination.