Rumsfeld on defensive over Iraq
“I’m not in the intelligence business,” Rumsfeld said.
Folks, never has a more true statement been made in Washington.
I think it took tremendous courage for Mr. Rumsfeld to stand up in front of the world and say, “Hey, you know what? I’m kind of dumb. Really dumb, actually. I mean, I can be just shockingly, mind-numbingly stupid.” I’m paraphrasing, of course. But the truth of the statement still remains:
Other audience members in Atlanta were gentler. One asked about “what happened in your childhood to make you the man you are today? This might help some parents, because you’re a great man.”
This gentleman asked the very question I would have asked if I had a chance to address Mr. Rumsfeld directly. As a parent, I’m interested in ways that my child can grow up to be a dishonest buffoon who is directly responsible for the death and/or torture of tens of thousands of other humans. That’s not the sort of thing they teach at Gymboree.
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| “Torture, kill, repeat. Good boy.” |
Sure, I can send my kids to pre-school to learn how to count to ten, or to learn outdated concepts with no practical application in day-to-day life, like “sharing” or “compassion.” But what nobody ever tells you is how to teach your child to have a complete disregard for human life.
I’ve tried all the normal things, like making them kill and eat a stray cat, or teaching them to burn fur off rabbits with a hairspray blowtorch, or sodomizing neighborhood kids with splintered broomhandles tied to an American flag. For some reason, though … my kids just don’t seem to “get it.”
Some people say it’s because my kids are under three years old, but I think that’s bullshit. No child is too young to learn how to torture and flay another living thing. Or at least to brainwash his younger friends into doing it for him.
That’s why I would ask Mr. Rumsfeld, “What did your parents do to you to turn you into such a flawlessly amoral psychopath? I mean, you lie to the faces of dead soldiers’ parents without so much a batting an eyelash. The technical superiority of your soullessness is just breathtaking. How do you do it?”
I’m sure his answer would have something to do with his mother forcing him to watch her suck off the family horse to get enough sperm to put in his baby bottle, since they were too poor to afford baby formula.
Or his father pressing his face against a red hot waffle skillet as punishment for not murdering his quota of homeless men for the week.
But those are experiences most people in the Bush administration share. What I want to know is what truly unique child-rearing techniques his parents used to breed the ultimate REMF.
