Clinton draws parallel between her campaign, JFK’s 1960 run
“Now, John Kennedy didn’t have the number of delegates he needed when he went to the convention in 1960,” [Clinton said.] “He had something equally as important — he had West Virginia behind him, because it’s a fact that Democrats don’t get elected president unless West Virginia votes for you …”
This is what I love about Hillary Clinton. She doesn’t get caught up in the stereotypes of West Virginians as the backwards, illiterate, functionally retarded stepchildren of the Democratic party.
She doesn’t pigeonhole them as the ass-raping mountain men from Deliverance, or the one-toothed cretins for whom the phrase “more teeth than brains” was invented.
She sees West Virginians for what they really are: convenient political pawns easily manipulated by blatantly transparent pandering.
Where you see the sick, twisted union between a husband and a wife who are also brother and sister, Hillary sees proud Americans who understand the value of family.
Where you see their freakish, half-limbed children lurching around the yard, gnawing on tree stumps and tossing around a dead squirrel, Hillary sees the free spirit of the next generation.
Where you see a 1977 Ford Pinto up on blocks in front of their mobile home, the doors welded shut to create a makeshift cage for the black woman they keep as a pet, Hillary sees American ingenuity at its finest.
“So I’m here today because I know what’s really going to matter tomorrow,” said Clinton. “It’s the votes of the people of West Virginia and if you will come out and honor me with your vote I will work my heart out for you.
As a matter of fact, West Virginia is SO important to Hillary — and indeed, to this great nation — that she will be integrating some of the state’s most important issues into her campaign’s platform.
- Federally-subsidized Confederate flag tattoos for all children over 8 years old
- Additional appropriations for the federal school lunch program, expanding the menu to include tater tots, possum meat, and chewing tobacco
- Reduced dependence on dirty, polluting foreign oil, and increased dependence on dirty, polluting American coal
- Free Kool-Aid and Slim Jims for life
Clinton criticized the Democratic front-runner on his health care proposal, and his rejection of her proposed “gas tax holiday.”
Hillary knows what the people of West Virginia want. They don’t want some Harvard-educated elitist. They want someone who understands their way of life. Who shares their worldview. Who knows how to shit in the woods, without getting eaten by a bear.
Hillary Clinton is that candidate.
She knows what it’s like to be poor, and to live in a trailer park, and to occasionally cough up a piece of bloody, coal-black lung tissue into a piece of old newspaper.
When she was a girl, she and her grandpappy would drink a half-gallon of 180-proof grain alcohol from a Mason jar, then to go deer hunting from the back of a pickup truck. That’s where she first learned how to shoot a rifle, and how to hold the wheel while ‘Pappy vomited out the driver’s side window.
Memories like that helped shape who Hillary is today: a desperate Presidential candidate grasping for anything that will help her connect with voters who find her untrustworthy, condescending, and amoral.
Did I mention she owns a miner’s helmet?
“My opponent Sen. Obama says, “Oh no, that’s just a gimmick, that’s not going to help people,” said Clinton before again arguing that it will save families $70 on average and more for those with longer commutes as well as truckers.
“70 DOLLARS?! Are you shittin’ me? Paw, didja hear that? That there lady says she’s fixin’ to give us seventy dollars! Do ya know what we could do with that money? Hell, Dwayne could get his lazy eye fixed, and we’d still have enough left over for a case of Schlitz and a bag of Cheetos! Start the tractor — we’re goin’ to Wal-Mart!”
“It is the hard-working, dedicated people of West Virginia who have really made America what it has been, and what it will be again,” [Clinton said.]
… an embarrassment?
